Why Michelle Obama says she's angrier than her white friends?

Former first lady Michelle Obama opened up about the emotional toll and internalised pressure Black women carry, saying that she’s “probably less light than many of [her] white female friends.” Her comments, made during a conversation about mental health and the burden of silence, touched on the stereotype of the “angry Black woman” and how it often reflects deeper societal issues of anger, identity, and emotional restraint.

“The first label they put on us as Black women is that we are angry,” Obama said. “And the irony is, like, yeah, I am probably less light than many of my white female friends.”



Obama addressed the assumption that Black women are inherently angry, highlighting the generational culture of emotional suppression in Black families. “You’ve never heard these women complain because it was just the way life was,” she said, referencing the quiet resilience passed down through her grandmothers and mother. She added that Black women rarely articulate their pain, often because “nobody ever gave us permission to do that.”

The conversation also explored the lack of visible mental health support within Black communities. Obama noted, “We started looking at the numbers, and only like 7% of the therapists, clinicians, and psychiatrists were of colour. Our children don’t know to go into this career.”

During the discussion, actress Taraji P Henson shared her own struggles to find mental health support for herself and her son, citing the lack of Black clinicians. “That’s when I launched the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation in honour of my father,” she said. Henson explained the importance of having therapists who looked like them, reflecting on her difficulties in helping her son cope with the loss of family members.

Obama also discussed how public scrutiny during Barack Obama’s presidential campaign further reinforced the stereotype of the "angry Black woman." “The first thing that some female journalist said is that I was bitter,” she recalled. “I was emasculating him just by sort of trying to tell the truth about what life is, right?”

She contrasted her experience with that of her white peers. “I see a lightness and ability to be in the world and see what’s going on, but still not as burdened about it as I think I am,” she said. “What I see happen in the news… the inequality… I think it burns at me in a different way.”

Both Obama and Henson emphasised the importance of open dialogue around mental health, not as an act of complaint but as a necessary shift in perspective. “We have to talk about our stresses openly,” Obama said. “We need to turn that cycle on its head.”

Michelle Obama says Black women have been conditioned to believe they don't deserve better

In the same conversation, Michelle Obama spoke about how Black women are often socialised to expect hardship and not question it. She said Black women are conditioned from an early age to believe they don’t deserve better.

“As Black women, sometimes we... there is that underlying thing we're socialized to believe from very early on that we don't deserve any better,” Obama explained. She reflected on her own upbringing, where hardship was simply expected. “I grew up just expecting it, you know, I did,” she said, linking this expectation to a broader emotional endurance in Black communities.

Obama shared personal stories about her family’s struggles. She noted that her mother made sacrifices to stay home with her and her brother, even though they lived on a single income and in a modest apartment. “We live in a little bitty apartment and just make ends meet. But that was a rare thing,” she said.

She pointed out that while women in her family worked hard, they rarely expressed their struggles. “You've never heard these women complain because it was just the way life was,” Obama said. “When you make stuff look easy, people assume that you must like this.”

The conversation also touched on the difficulty of voicing pain. “We don’t articulate as Black women our pain because it’s almost like nobody ever gave us permission to do that,” she said.

Michelle Obama says therapy was never an option for Black families like hers

Michelle Obama also discussed the cultural stigma surrounding mental health in Black families, explaining that therapy was never considered an option due to both a lack of representation and stigma. “We just do not talk about mental health. We don’t,” Obama said. “Because we are demonised, we are chastised, where it’s looked upon as weak.”

She reflected on the cultural practices that often replaced therapy in Black families. “We give it to God. And that’s important. But God gifted humans to be therapists to help other humans. So it goes hand in hand. You need both,” Obama explained.

Taraji P. Henson joined the conversation, sharing her own experiences with therapy. She spoke about struggling to find Black clinicians for herself and her son. “It was time to look for therapy… And when I couldn’t find anyone who looked like us, because now I got to get my son to open up to someone and he’s not going to feel right if the person doesn’t feel familiar,” Henson said.

Henson’s personal experiences led her to launch the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation, which works to increase access to mental health support in Black communities. “That’s when I launched the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation in honour of my father… We started looking at the numbers and only like 7% of the therapists, clinicians and psychiatrists were of colour,” she said.

Obama also reflected on her own journey with emotional health, saying she only started confronting her emotional well-being later in life. “That’s when I started the work in the mental health. That’s when I start it, checking myself,” she said.

Both Obama and Henson stressed the importance of breaking the silence around mental health. “We have to talk about our stresses openly,” Obama said. “Not because we are complaining… But because we need to change. We need to turn that cycle on its head.”