Why staying too long in the wrong relationship hurts more

Sometimes love doesn’t end with a bang — it fades in silence.


There comes a point in many relationships when love stops feeling like love and starts to feel like endurance. You tell yourself things will get better, that this is just a rough patch, that leaving would mean giving up. But the truth is, it’s not walking away that breaks most people — it’s the pain of staying far past the point of peace.


We grow up hearing that love means holding on no matter what. We’re told that commitment is measured by how much we can tolerate. Yet, behind closed doors, many admit they’re simply tired — holding on to relationships that no longer feel nurturing.


The Sunk Cost Illusion
One reason people struggle to let go is something psychologists call the sunk cost fallacy. When you’ve poured years, energy, and emotion into a relationship, the idea of leaving feels like throwing all of that away. “You convince yourself that since you’ve come this far, you might as well keep going,” says life and relationship coach Dr. Nidhika Bahl. “But love isn’t a project that rewards effort. When a relationship stops growing, staying out of guilt or habit only deepens the loss.” What hurts most, she adds, isn’t necessarily the ending itself, but realizing how much of yourself you gave up trying to keep something alive that had already run its course.


When Self-Worth Starts to Slip Away
Staying too long in the wrong relationship can quietly chip away at who you are. Many people in emotionally unbalanced relationships are given just enough attention to stay, but never enough to feel fulfilled. “You start to doubt your judgment, your worth, even your reality,” says Bahl. “You tiptoe around conflict, suppress your needs, and make yourself smaller to keep the peace. But real love never requires you to shrink.” That slow erosion of self-respect often hurts more deeply than heartbreak itself, because it disconnects you from your own inner strength.


The Quiet Weight of Shame
And then there’s the shame. You may have defended your partner, justified their behaviour, or dismissed your own discomfort. You may even have distanced yourself from friends and family who saw the red flags. When things finally fall apart, facing them — and yourself — can feel unbearable.
“You feel judged, embarrassed, and completely alone,” says Bahl. “But relationships don’t fail; they change form. Sometimes, growth means admitting that the version of love that once made sense no longer fits who you are becoming.”


Choosing Yourself Isn’t Selfish
Leaving a relationship that no longer aligns with you isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a sign of awakening. It’s that moment when you stop trying to fix something that keeps breaking you. “Healing begins when you choose honesty over denial and self-respect over fear,” Bahl says. “Staying too long doesn’t save love. It only postpones the life and love you truly deserve.”


By: Dr. Nidhika Bahl, Life & Relationship Coach, Founder – RISE by Nidhika